The single diner’s weapon of choice

Being alone in a hotel is an art in itself. Especially dining by oneself in a buzzy restaurant. I think I have perfected how not to feel self-conscious or like an Anita Brookner character. The essential tool is a notebook and pen. Not only does this have the staff on their toes – who knows which illustrious food magazine or newspaper you might be reviewing for? – but it makes you look other-worldly and interesting to the other guests. They stop giving you looks of pity and become curious instead. And in the meantime, you can sip thoughtfully at your Shiraz and then scribble furiously – never mind that it’s next week’s shopping list. For all they know you are grading the establishment for a possible Michelin star. Or scribbling down their idiosyncracies for your next novel.

Which in my case is true – my next book is going to be called The Long Weekend, and it’s set in a chic townhouse hotel by the sea. There are assignations, reunions and, of course, a stag party. The Hotel du Vin in Poole has been the perfect place for some undercover research and inspiration – the surroundings are absolutely perfect, the decor is divine and the staff are quite charming. Any bad behaviour on the part of my fictional characters will bear no resemblance!

Also inspiring have been the incredible Sunseeker boats in the harbour. I have been lingering longingly, desperate for a guided tour, but I don’t think I am quite in their price bracket yet. I’m not a great boat person, but these motor yachts are sleek, sexy and mouthwatering – I think I’m going to have to give one of my characters the keys for some on-board shennanigans.

Tomorrow I am off to Brighton – I can’t believe I have reached 46 and have never been! I’m also going to catch up with some friends I haven’t seen for years – I hope the Hotel du Vin staff there have been polishing their cocktail shakers in preparation.

All I need -laptop, wine, mags and room service

Writers need absolutely perfect conditions in which to write, and will devote hours to finding reasons why they cannot perform. I am an Olympic displacer. Even a tax return or a pile of ironing can take priority over the simple task of Getting On With It and Making Things Up For A Living. Honestly, it’s not hard once you get down to it – so why do we spend so much time trying to avoid it?

It’s the fear, isn’t it? The fear that the wondrous yarn you are spinning in your head will read like turgid dross once you have committed it to paper – or screen. We all do it – we look back over what we have written and think, with a sinking heart, ‘Why on earth would anyone want to read this?’

It’s no wonder we do everything in our power to avoid grasping the nettle. And everyday life throws up myriad opportunities for work avoidance. Which is why I was so delighted when the chance to be writer-in-residence at the Hotel du Vin came up. I would have no distractions. I would have the perfect conditions. And I would be able to devote myself entirely to the task of writing.

So here I am, at the Hotel du Vin in Poole, in a wonderful suite with a bed like a cloud, a bathroom to die for (with the most flattering lighting I have ever encountered), a fresh sea breeze coming through the window, and nothing to distract me but the sound of birdsong.

I feel hopeful and optimistic. And excited for once. So maybe this is what writers need – the opportunity be cut off from the outside world, protected from the humdrum reality of day to day living, so we can be alone with our imaginations and not distracted by family or housework or paperwork or the telephone?

Perhaps the government should subsidise a luxury writers’ retreat? After all, we contribute a significant amount to the coffers and to export – we should be nurtured and cosseted. Somehow I suspect it won’t be a priority … maybe the Hotel du Vin could offer ‘writers’ rates’ instead, for those of us needing a few days of blissful peace to complete our masterpieces …

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